I Am the Darkness, You Are My Light
by Storm Bringer
Summary: This is a short series revolving around an Ami/Makoto relationship (ie: Yuri). I think that pretty much sums it up.
1. Chapter 1

I Am the Darkness, You Are My Light

Title: I Am the Darkness, You Are My Light: Chapter 1

Author: Storm Bringer

Rating: R

E-mail: the_storm_bringer@hotmail.com

Author's Notes: A few revisions were added on 4/15 This is a short series revolving around a Makoto and Ami relationship. Yes, it's probably been done to death; yes, there's no basis for it in the actual anime, but hey, it's fanfiction and I can do what I want. Besides, I like the coupling. Anyway, it's rated R for some language and situations of a questionable nature, but no sex. Please do not flame me because you don't like the pairing or don't like yuri fics in general (of course, if this is the case you could just click the 'back' button). Feel free to flame me if you think I'm a lousy writer, but at least try to do it in a constructive manner.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this story. I have, however, patented the word "Flazzenbach." This word does not actually show up in this story, but it's mine anyways and you can't use it. =P

******

The bouquet of flowers lay in the gutter where it had been carelessly tossed by some uncaring hand. The once vibrant flowers were now dried and withered, a collection of grays and browns with the occasional speck of color poking up where it didn't belong. Heavy clouds obscuring the stars overhead promised rain in the near future. Soon the bouquet would be washed away, the brittle stems and withered petals of the flowers torn asunder by the driving rain that would turn the gutter into a miniature river.

Makoto stared down at that bouquet with eyes that were just as lifeless, wondering what hand had cast it aside. Had it been one of the many hands that had cast her aside over the years? Perhaps the very one that had done so this night. Would she then be left to wither and die in the gutter? To be washed away by the river of time?

Turning away, Makoto wearily headed for home. Home… That was a place where one went for comfort and protection from the harsh realities of the world. Makoto did not return home. She returned to the solitary darkness of her apartment. A place where dark memories walked like ghosts and the air was chill and filled with feelings of pain and loss.

A low peal of thunder seemed to echo the brunette's sorrow. Makoto could feel the coming storm, sense the charge in the air that portended the coming of a raging beast whose breath was the icy wind, whose teeth were the driving rain, and whose roar was a crack of thunder and a flash of lightning. If Makoto did not hurry she would be caught in the maw of that mighty beast. Makoto did not hurry.

Perhaps the beast felt her pain and sensed the bond that tied girl and storm together. It contained its raging fury until Makoto had reached the protective shelter of her apartment building. The storm broke on her heels though, releasing its pent up rage in the form of a howling wind and spear like rain. 

The elevator that took Makoto up to her floor was empty, leaving her alone with the music that was common to all elevators. The soothing sound was discordant to her ears. The elevator reached its destination and the doors opened revealing the words 'FLOOR 8' painted on the wall across the way in garish blue letters that a blind man would have had trouble missing. Leaving the stuffy confinement of the elevator, and relishing the distinct lack of music in the hallway, Makoto headed for her apartment, her feat dragging.

There were windows at either end of the hall, and the sounds of the storm raging outside were easily heard in the long corridor. A bolt of lightning lit up the night outside, sending dazzling purples and blues flashing across the walls and drowning out the pale illumination cast by the lamps hanging from the ceiling. 

Makoto stopped before the door marked 823, her door. She stared blankly at the smooth wood for several minutes before finally digging her keys out of her pocket and going inside. All the lights in her apartment were off, the only illumination coming from the occasional flash of lightning outside. She was content to leave it that way, to sit alone in the darkness with only her pain and sorrow to keep her company. The heater had been turned off while she was away in order to keep her electric bill low, and the air was cold enough to cause goose bumps to pebble her bare skin. She felt that the cold suited her as well.

Makoto did not find her way to her couch to sit down as she had initially intended. Instead, she stood in the entranceway of her small apartment and stared into the darkness surrounding her. Wraiths of the past walked through that blackness.

Her parents were there. Blurry, indistinct forms pulled from the memories of a young child. They smiled down at her, tickled her chin playfully. Their warmth promised safety and comfort as they held her close to their hearts, vowing never to let go. A ghost of a smile crossed Makoto's lips.

The images shattered in a fierce explosion of blood and fire.

The sound of a brutal slap resounded through the darkness. A large man stood over a young girl who was sprawled out on the floor with tears streaming down her face and blood trickling from her mouth. Her blouse was ripped, revealing her small, immature breasts. The man reached down and grabbed a handful of dark brown hair, jerking the girl to her feet.

"Stand up ya stupid bitch!"

With a scream born of fear, the girl lashed out with her tiny fists. They bounced off of the man's seemingly giant frame and he drove his knee into her gut, sending the air bursting from her lungs. She lay curled up on the floor gasping for breath that would not come, blood flecking her lips and pooling on the floor.

The man leaned down next to her, putting his mouth right next to her ear. The smell of alcohol was rank on his breath. "Keep fightin' and I'll kill ya girl. And then I'll still fuck ya!"

A flash of lightning smote the image, sending its fragmented pieces skittering to the far corners of the darkened room.

Faces floated through the darkness, leering, laughing. Makoto cringed as they circled her, mocking her pain and sorrow. Pasty lips kissed her flesh, cold hands caressed her body. A young man appeared before her, tall and handsome with eyes like thunderclouds and hair that was midnight flowing from his scalp.

"I'll protect you," he said extending his hand. "I'll keep the darkness at bay."

Makoto reached out and took his hand. His warm smile vanished to be replaced by a mocking grin as his fingers closed around hers in a grip as firm and as cold as iron. His face vanished to be replaced by another, then another, changing over and over again. All of them stared at her with laughter in their eyes and lust in their hearts.

How many times had she trusted? How many times betrayed? How many times had those promises of protection slipped away with the coming of the dawn?

A crack of thunder outside rattled the windows with its force and resonated with Makoto's soul. She screamed, a primal scream drawn from the depths of her being. Her fist shattered the leering image before her; a flash of lightning pushed back the darkness, pulling her back from the edge of the abyss upon which she teetered.

Makoto stood there in the darkness, her breath coming in ragged gasps as she listened to the storm pounding away outside, melding with the rapid beating of her heart. Slowly she drew her fist out of the wall, plaster flaking off as she brushed the edges of the hole she had made. She was numb in body and mind, and did not feel the pain in her hand, only the pain in her soul. The mask of strength that served her so well in the day crumbled around her, its fragments falling to the ground in the form of tears.

Sinking to the ground, Makoto curled up into as small ball and wept until sleep carried her far away. 

******

Usagi pounded on the door. "C'mon Mako-chan! Open up!"  
"Maybe she's not home," offered Ami, who was standing next to the blonde.

"Of course she's home," said Usagi, continuing to hammer away. "She wasn't at school so that means she must be at home."

Ami blinked, but said nothing. She had learned long ago that Usagi's logic didn't fit in well with the rest of the world, and yet it somehow managed to get her friend through life in relatively good shape. Ami had given thought to writing a paper concerning Usagi for her psychology class, but had given the idea up due to the complexity of the subject.

Suddenly the door to Makoto's apartment was jerked open so fast that Usagi missed her next blow and stumbled forward, falling flat on her face thanks to the fact that one foot absolutely refused to move while the other jauntily stepped inside. While her friend tried dazedly to figure out exactly what had happened to the door, Ami stepped around her and into the apartment.

Makoto was standing halfway behind the door, glaring down at Usagi. Her hair was tousled and she had a haggard look, as though she hadn't gotten much sleep last night. All she seemed to have on was a pair of gray sweatpants and a green sweater.

"What?" she grunted. Her emerald eyes sparkled with anger kept carefully in check.

Hearing the unfriendly tone in her friend's voice, Ami became slightly uncomfortable with the situation. It was obvious that Makoto had not wanted company and the only reason she had opened the door was to silence Usagi's persistent pounding. Now Ami felt as though she had intruded somewhere she wasn't wanted. Usagi, on the other hand, seemed to notice nothing amiss.

"Hiya, Mako-chan!" greeted Usagi as she picked herself up off the floor, a picture of wide-eyed innocence. "You weren't at school today so we thought we'd come see if you were sick. Are you? Because, you know, if you are then we'd be glad to help you out with anything you need. Maybe fix you dinner or something."

Some of Makoto's ire seemed to fade then, and her features softened. "I'm not sick, I just didn't feel like going to school today."

"I never feel like going to school, but my parents always make me go anyways. It must be nice not having anyone bossing you around like that." Ami winced as she watched Makoto's face become stone. Usagi seemed to realize she had said something wrong, and made an attempt at changing the subject. "Did you know you have a hole in your wall?" she asked, pointing just past Ami's shoulder.

"Yes," replied Makoto, her voice tight.

Ami looked where Usagi pointed and saw that, sure enough, there was a hole in the wall. Just about the size of a fist, she noted with a glance at Makoto's hands. One of them was wrapped in heavy bandages.

There was a moment of silence while everyone just looked at one another. From the look on Makoto's face, she was waiting for the two of them to take their leave, but Usagi seemed to be waiting for Makoto to invite her in for something to eat. Ami was about to suggest leaving, when Usagi decided she'd just have to invite herself.

"Do you have anything I could snack on, Mako-chan?" asked the blonde. "I'm always really hungry right after school. It must be all the thinking they make you do there."

Ami couldn't help but smile at the idea of Usagi actually thinking while at school. "From what I saw, you did more sleeping than thinking, Usagi. And with the size of the lunch you had, I would think the last thing you would be is hungry."

"I wasn't sleeping!" whined Usagi. "I was thinking with my eyes closed!"

"Is that what you told the teacher?"

"Yes! And she didn't believe me!"

Ami rolled her eyes. "Imagine that."

Usagi's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean by that? You don't believe me either!"  
"Well, you do have a reputation for falling asleep at inopportune times."

"It's not my fault school starts so early! I'd be fine if it started at noon! It would be great if that happened. The first class of the day would be lunch!"

This playful banter broke through Makoto's granite mask and caused her to crack a smile. A small one, barely a turning up of the edges of her mouth, but Ami felt that it was a start. Whatever problems her friend was dealing with at the moment would not be solved so easily, but every little bit helped.

With a soft sigh, Makoto waved Usagi the rest of the way into the apartment and shut the door behind her. "I'll fix you guys some tea and you can munch on some cookies I made the other day."

"Cookies!" squealed a delighted Usagi. "No one makes cookies better than you do, Mako-chan."  
Makoto mumbled something that might have been a "thank-you" and wandered off to the kitchen. Ami and Usagi took seats at the dining room table, the blonde going on and on about food, which somehow led her to talk about clothes, which, in turn, got her started on Mamoru. Everything, it seemed, caused Usagi to bring up her boyfriend.

Ami listened to her friend with only half an ear, making sure to nod at all the right places. The majority of her attention was directed towards trying to think of what might be troubling Makoto. By the time the brunette returned with a pot of tea and a platter of cookies, Ami had decided that more information would be needed if she was to discern the nature of Makoto's ill temper. Information that would be inadvertently delivered to her by Usagi.

"Oh, yum!" exclaimed Usagi as she stuffed her face with chocolate chip cookies. "Can I take some home with me so that I can give them to Mamo-chan? We're going on a date tonight."  
A brief look of sadness crossed Makoto's features, but it was gone so fast that Ami almost believed that she had imagined it. "Sure Usagi, take all you want." Ami had no doubt that Usagi would do just that, and that none of them would ever reach Mamoru.

"Thanks, Mako-chan," said Usagi around a mouthful of cookie. She swallowed and then asked in a sly manner, "I don't suppose you have a date with that guy you've been talking about all week, huh? What was his name? Hito…Hitogi?"

"Hitoshi," spat Makoto, speaking the name like a curse. "And no, we're not going out tonight. He…dumped me." Her voice hinted at tears kept in check.

Ah, thought Ami, so that was the source of Makoto's foul humor. She should have realized it was something like that.

There were few things in this world that could make Usagi forget about food, youma included, but seeing a friend in pain was one of them. "I'm so sorry, Mako-chan," she said, placing a comforting hand on her friend's shoulder. "I'm sure you'll find someone else."

"There's always someone else, isn't there?" Makoto's tone was bitter. "Someone who will sweep me off my feet with promises of love and compassion. But they never mean it… They never mean it…" she repeated in a whisper, tears rolling down her face, her eyes filled with betrayal.

Exchanging worried looks with Usagi, Ami stood up and put her arm around Makoto. "Are you okay?" she asked in a concerned voice.

Makoto scrubbed away her tears, visibly taking back control of her emotions. "I'm fine, just… It hurts." She made a sound then, halfway between laughing and sobbing. "It always hurts. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be burdening you with my stupid problems."

Usagi got up and joined Ami so that they held Makoto between them. "No, no," she said softly. "It's not a burden and your problems are never stupid. We're always here for you, whenever you need us."

"Yes," agreed Ami. "Anytime, every time, we'll stand at your side. No matter what you face, you never have to face it alone."

"I…I…" Whatever Makoto had been about to say was lost as she broke down into body wracking sobs. 

Time slipped away as Usagi and Ami held Makoto, whispering soothing things to the brunette as her tears drew the pain out of her heart. She cried for a long time, and Ami felt that her friend's pain stemmed from something deeper and more complicated than simply being dumped by her boyfriend. Not wanting to cause Makoto any more distress though, Ami said nothing concerning her thoughts on the matter.

When it was over and Makoto's tears were spent, the three girls moved to the couch in the living room. There they talked of inconsequential things such as an upcoming math test or the latest Sailor V game, giving the brunette a chance to put herself back together. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying and her face was pale and drawn. It looked as though she had been through Hell and back, but Usagi and Ami managed to coax a smile out of her every now and then.

"Thanks a lot guys," said Makoto in a voice that held only a hint of her former sorrow. Outside, the sun was painting the sky in brilliant reds and oranges as it descended towards the horizon. "This really means a lot to me. I don't know how I could possibly repay you."

"We'll always be here for you, Mako-chan," said Usagi with a smile. "It's what friends are for. But if you really want to pay us back, how 'bout inviting us for dinner?" A hungry light appeared in the blonde's eyes.

Ami reached over and lightly slapped Usagi on the back of the head. "There's no need for you to repay us," she said, ignoring Usagi's indignant squawk over being hit. "Comfort and a shoulder to cry on are always free."

Makoto gave her two friends a warm smile. "Thanks, Ami. I'd like it if you both stayed for dinner, though, but I thought Usagi had a date tonight."

Leaping from the couch as though it were on fire, Usagi exclaimed, "My date with Mamo-chan! I almost forgot! I've gotta hurry or I'm gonna be late again!" She started for the door, but stopped abruptly and turned back to Makoto. "If you want me to stay, I'll call Mamoru and cancel tonight."

Ami's eyes popped and Makoto's jaw dropped. An army of youma wouldn't have been able to stop Usagi from going on a date with her beloved, but here she was, willing to cancel it just to spend the evening with a friend who just had her heart broken. 

"Umm, no, Usagi, that's okay. Thanks for the offer, but I wouldn't want to ruin your evening with Mamoru."

"Are you sure? It's no problem if you want me to stay."

Makoto gave the blonde a reassuring smile. "I'm sure. Go and have fun."

"Thanks, Mako-chan! I'll call you tomorrow!" Then she was gone, rushing from the room at speeds she only used in instances involving food or her boyfriend.

Turning to Ami, Makoto asked, "What about you? Wanna stay for dinner?"  
"Of course I'll stay," replied Ami with a broad smile. "Only a herd of elephants could keep me away from your cooking."

"Or a math test," said Makoto with a wide grin. Both girls laughed and the brunette rose to go begin fixing dinner. Ami followed her into the kitchen, intent on keeping her friend company while simultaneously doing what she could to help out.

For a moment she considered calling home to tell her mother that she wouldn't be coming home until later that evening, but then she remembered that her mom would be at work until very late tonight and possibly early tomorrow morning. These were the hours often kept by her mother, late and long, leaving her with little in the way of time for herself or her daughter. Such was the life of a full time doctor. 

Over the years, Ami had gotten used to being alone most of the time. She accepted the fact that her mother played an important role in society, the saving of human lives. It was the same goal she herself aspired to someday, although she was in essence doing just that now as a Senshi.

Despite having grown accustomed to being alone, however, there were times when Ami would wake up in the middle of the night and know that there was no one else in house. During these times, the loneliness she felt would hover over her like a nightmarish monster just waiting for her to go to sleep so it could devour her. She would fight it off by courageously cowering beneath her blankets, feeling cold and afraid until exhaustion pulled her down into the dark waters of sleep.

But those times were neither here nor now. 

They made a vegetable stir-fry for dinner, and the two girls tossed idle banter back and forth as they cooked. After dinner they munched on a cherry pie Makoto had fixed earlier. It was one of her favorite foods and she always gorged herself on it when feeling depressed. The conversation remained light throughout dinner and dessert, and afterwards as well when they retired to the couch once again. 

The moon had risen high into the sky when, with a glance at her watch, Makoto said, "It's awfully late. I've kept you here way after the time you should have been heading home. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it." Ami glanced at her own watch. "You're right though, it is pretty late. Um… do you think I could sleep over?"

"Of course you can." Makoto stood up and Ami followed suit. "You can borrow one of my oversized shirts to sleep in, if that's okay with you." Ami nodded that it was, and Makoto began to search the apartment for blankets and a futon.

Left alone in the living room, Ami's eyes roamed around the room as she considered what might have caused her friend to be as distraught as she was earlier. She was sure that there was more to it than just a guy, but her thoughts had taken her nowhere by the time Makoto returned

Ami changed into her sleeping attire while Makoto fixed her up a place to sleep on the floor in the living room, the only place where there was enough room. Makoto changed then, and Ami waited patiently outside her door so she could wish her friend a good night. When the door to Makoto's room did open to admit Ami though, she found her friend standing there fidgeting nervously and looking for all the world as though she were about to take the most difficult test of her entire life.

"Umm…Ami? I was uh…wondering…" Makoto trailed off, staring down at her feet.

"Go on, Mako-chan. You can ask me anything."

Makoto took a deep breath. "I was wondering if you would sleep with me tonight." The outright shock Ami was feeling at that moment must have shown on her face, because the brunette hastily clarified her request. "I don't mean like…like that. I just uh…would like it if you would sleep in my…bed… with me." Her face was turning bright red at this point. "I'll understand if you don't want to."

Ami considered the strange request. She was a bit uncomfortable with the idea of spending the night in the same bed as her friend, but they were both girls and they wouldn't be doing anything other than sleeping, so she didn't see anything really wrong with it. The idea just felt…odd.

"Can I ask why?" she finally said.

The brunette hesitated for a moment, alternating between staring at the floor and glancing out the window. "I just…I don't know. I guess…I guess, for once in my life, I'd like to wake up knowing the person sharing my bed actually cares about me, even if it is only my best friend. Not to say that your being my best friend doesn't mean anything," she amended. "It's just…well, you know."

Ami nodded slowly. She felt she understood a bit of what Makoto was speaking of, but not all. Her friend was feeling lonely and wanted companionship this night, something Ami could sympathize with. But, as with the crying earlier, it was deeper than that. Still, she chose not to press Makoto into revealing whatever it was she kept hidden from the world. She had faith Makoto would tell her in time.

"I'll spend the night with you, Mako-chan, if you really want me to."

"I do," whispered Makoto, staring down at the ground.

Reaching over, Ami cupped Makoto's chin and gently raised her head up so that her friend was looking at her. "We're friends, Mako-chan. As a friend I will freely give you whatever comfort you need. This includes sharing a bed with you. There is nothing to be ashamed of in asking for the comfort of another." Unable to help herself, Ami added with a grin, "But no funny stuff."

Makoto turned bright crimson. "I'm not…! I wouldn't…!" she spluttered.

Ami giggled. "I was just joking."

"Not funny!" exclaimed Makoto, but a broad smile was plastered across her face. 

Glancing down at Makoto's bed, Ami suddenly felt that it was much too small for two people to share. This, she knew, was just a product of the uneasiness she was feeling over spending the night curled up next to her best friend. Firming her resolve, Ami climbed into the bed first in order to prove to herself that she had truly meant what she had said earlier.

Makoto hesitated for a moment, and then lay down next to her. The bed was indeed big enough to hold the both of them comfortably, but when the occasional foot or arm would stray across the small space separating the two girls, the offending limb would be jerked back with an embarrassed apology. 

Ami had thought that it would be difficult to get to sleep in the given conditions. The close proximity of another body comforted her, however, and she found herself drifting off to sleep soon after closing her eyes. The feelings of loneliness that so often followed her down into sleep were banished by the knowledge that this night she was not alone. It was a strangely comforting feeling.

She woke up once sometime late that night or very early the next morning, she wasn't exactly sure which, but it was still dark outside. Makoto was curled up in a fetal position at the very edge of the bed, whimpering softly in her sleep. Ami reached over and gently laid her hand on the brunette's shoulder, intent on shaking her from whatever nightmare might have caught her up in its dark net. At her touch, Makoto jerked awake.

"What!?" she cried out in a voice tinged with fear. "Who's there!? NO! Stay away!"

"Shhhh…" whispered Ami, leaning over so that her mouth was right next to Makoto's ear. She noted that her friend's eyes were only half open, indicating that she wasn't as awake as Ami had first assumed. "It's me, it's Ami. You're dreaming."

"Dreaming… Ami… AMI! Don't let the darkness get me, Ami! Please!"

Makoto's words became garbled after that, her mind lost deep within her nightmare once again. Tears leaked out from behind her closed lids. Ami stared down at her friend, at a loss as to what to do. Should she try to wake Makoto again, or let her fight her way out of whatever dark dream had ensnared her? 

Unable to bring herself to try and wake her friend again, yet also unwilling to let her face whatever she was fighting alone, Ami decided on a course of action. Easing Makoto back away from the edge of the bed, she positioned herself so that her body cupped the brunette's, throwing one arm around her friend's waist and holding her tight. Makoto was so tense she was quivering.

"I'll protect you," said Ami softly. "I'll keep the darkness away."

The tension flowed out of Makoto's body then, and she relaxed. A soft sigh escaped the brunette's lips and the tears stopped flowing, one hand moving to gently take hold of Ami's. The blue haired girl's breath caught then, as she realized exactly what she was doing. She was lying in bed with her friend, wearing nothing more than an oversized shirt and her underwear, and now she was embracing Makoto as a lover might.

A small portion of her mind noted that this would not be a terrible way to spend the rest of the night. This caused Ami to blush, and she almost climbed out of the bed right then and there. The larger, more rationale part of her mind informed her that such an action would undoubtedly send Makoto wheeling back down into whatever abyss she had just been pulled out of, though, and Ami didn't want to subject her friend to such tortures again.

So Ami spent the remainder of the night holding Makoto close and finding that sleep came easily and was filled with several rather…interesting dreams.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: I Am the Darkness, You Are My Light: Chapter 2

Title: I Am the Darkness, You Are My Light: Chapter 2 

Author: Storm Bringer

Rating: R

E-mail: the_storm_bringer@hotmail.com

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this story.

******

Makoto sat at the dining room table sipping at a cup of tea while staring out into the overcast day. It was a lazy Sunday afternoon and the sky outside was lead gray, casting the entire world in a strange half-light. Every now and then the clouds covering the world would try to make it rain, but these attempts were halfhearted at best and only brought forth a slight drizzle that never lasted very long.

The weather fit Makoto's mood well. It wasn't too gloomy or too bright, but more of a confused jumble, neither sun nor clouds quite sure of what place they held in the grand scheme of things this day. That was how Makoto felt: confused, unsure of what was happening in her life at that moment. Was it sunshine, clouds, or a combination of both?

Sighing, Makoto drank her tea and allowed her thoughts to wander back to yesterday morning and the night before. 

She had dreamed the same dark dream that always found her when she was feeling down. Shapeless, ephemeral wraiths had pursued her as she raced down a dark tunnel, unable to see anything before or behind her, but knowing that she had to run or they would catch her. And run she had, on and on, until her lungs burned for air and her exhausted body threatened to betray her to the darkness that sought to rend her soul. The tunnel never ended though. It just stretched on into forever.

Makoto shuddered at the memory, then berated herself for being so childish. It had just been a dream, nothing more than a simple nightmare. They were a common enough occurrence for her; she should have gotten used to them by now. But, of course, she hadn't, and something deep in the back of her mind told her she never would.

Normally, the dream ended with her waking up in a cold sweat, hands groping in the darkness for the comfort of another, always coming up empty. The other night had been different though. Makoto had run and run, but just when she knew she could go no further, a soft blue light had engulfed her, driving back both the wraiths and the darkness. The light had enfolded her like a soft blanket, and she had found peace in its warm embrace. With that light guarding her, she had drifted off into a deep slumber, fearing nothing.

When she had finally awoken to the sunlight streaming through the shades of her bedroom window, Makoto had felt the warmth of a body pressed up against hers. She had found a moments pleasure in the arm holding her tightly. At first she had thought that her boyfriend dumping her had been the dream and this was blissful reality. But then she had noted that the arm thrown across her waist was too small, the skin too smooth to be that of a man. The body pressed against her own was a bit too fleshy, as well.

Memories of the evening before had flashed through her mind.

Ami had guarded her sleep. Ami had driven back the darkness and granted her respite from the endless chase. Ami held her tightly, protecting her still. Makoto hadn't known what to think. A part of her wanted to stay there forever, wrapped up in the warmth and security offered up by Ami, but at the same time she knew she could not stay. Not yet. Gently removing Ami's arm from around her, she had slipped out of bed carefully so as not to wake the sleeping girl. Then she had just stood there at the edge of the bed staring down at her friend. 

Makoto gulped her tea, trying not to remember the smoothness of Ami's skin, or the way her gentle face had appeared like that of a sleeping angels. The first light of the new day had played across her blue hair, causing it to glow like the light that had driven away the darkness in Makoto's dream. The brunette had stood there at the edge of her own bed, unconsciously drinking in the sight of Ami, her thoughts and emotions a maelstrom of confusion.

That maelstrom had yet to dissipate, her emotions yet to sort themselves out after nearly two days of doing her best to think of other things. Ami had said nothing of that night upon waking up and Makoto certainly hadn't mentioned it, so perhaps Ami had no idea what she had done. Maybe her actions had been dream induced. Yes, that was probably it. She had dreamed of some guy she had met, and, being asleep at the time, she had mistaken Makoto for him. 

Rising from the table, Makoto moved into the kitchen. The two of them were good friends and they always would be good friends, nothing more. 

So why couldn't she get the image Ami's face out of her head? 

Because Ami had been there for her when she was needed, Makoto told herself forcefully. Ami had been so nice to her the other day and now she was feeling guilty for offering her nothing in return other than a simple dinner. The image of Ami's smiling face that kept floating through her mind was nothing more than her subconscious trying to tell her to get her act together and thank her friend properly. 

Cookies, decided Makoto, setting her teacup down on the counter with a bit more force than was absolutely necessary. She would bake up a whole platter of cookies for Ami and take them to her. Maybe some brownies too. And, perhaps if she had time, a small pie. Or maybe a large pie. Ami had always liked cake.

Her mind finally locked on something other than possibilities she really didn't want to give any consideration, Makoto began searching her cupboards for what she would need, intent on losing herself in the less violent of her two favorite past times.

******

The young girl walked through a house where giants lived. Everything was three times the size it was supposed to be, towering over her and making her feel small and insignificant. But while everything was so big, it was also familiar. This was her house that she wandered through, although the exaggerated size gave it an empty, alien feeling.

"Mommy!" she called out, receiving an echo as her only reply.

Moving from room to room, the young girl continued to call out for her mother. She never bothered to shout for her dad. No, daddy had left a long time ago and would not come back no matter how many times she called out for him. It was just her and her mom here in this giant house… Except that now it seemed she was all alone. Her mother was nowhere to be found.

Pausing before the TV in the living room, she fought back the tears that threatened to spring from her eyes. She was cold on the inside and out. Tentacles of fear snaked around her chest, constricting her and making it difficult to breathe. The tears she had fought to keep down came anyway and she sank to the ground, wrapping her arms around her legs and pulling them up to her chest.

"I don't want to be alone!" she sobbed into the vast emptiness of the house.

"Why are you crying, Ami?"

The young girl looked up at the television, squinting through tear filled eyes. That was where the question had come from. Somehow she was not surprised to find her own sapphire eyes gazing down at her.

"I'm all alone," she whispered in answer to the question her other self had asked.

"Alone?" queried a voice that held a bit of confusion. "What about your friends? What about Usagi? She's always there when you need her."

"It's not…" the girl sniffled. "It's not the same."

There was a long pause. "I don't understand. You said you didn't want to be alone, but when offered the company of others, you say it's not what you're looking for."

"It's not the same," she repeated softy. "Usagi doesn't—"

Ice suddenly pierced her heart, freezing her entire body and causing her teeth to slam shut with an audible click. Curled up on the floor, she shivered and willed the cold away, pushed at the emptiness that was trying to consume her. It felt as though she was suddenly falling. Something halfway between a scream and a sob ripped its way out of her throat.

"Oh, Ami…" said a soft voice next to her. It was filled with sadness and compassion. "Usagi doesn't love you the way you wish to be loved. Like how she loves Mamoru. That's what you were trying to say, wasn't it? That's what you're looking for."

A soft hand touched the young girl's cheek and instantly the ice melted, replaced by a warmth that surged through her body. Slowly she uncurled her body, slowed the tears that flowed down her face. Her world was filled with the scent of flowers and of the earth just after a raging storm.

Rolling onto her back, Ami gazed up into twin emeralds. "Mako-chan…" she whispered.

"Ami…" The hand continued to stroke Ami's cheek, gently, lovingly. Makoto's head bent lower. "Ami…" Her breath was warm against Ami's skin. "Ami…Ami!!"

Ami jerked awake, sitting up abruptly and nearly upsetting her chair as she attempted to reorient herself. The library, people staring at her, the book that had served as a pillow. She rubbed at her grainy eyes. 

"Are you okay, Ami?"

Looking around, Ami found the librarian standing at her shoulder with a concerned look on her face. Fine? No, she was definitely not fine. She had just had a dream about nearly kissing one of her best friends. Hell, she had _wanted_ to kiss Makoto. 

"Ami?"

"Huh? Yes, I'm uh…fine. Just a little tired, that's all." 

Yes, tired, that was the reason for the dream. Lack of a good nights sleep coupled with the night she had spent at Makoto's had resulted in her fatigued mind conjuring up bizarre and completely irrational possibilities. That was a logical explanation for it. She wasn't a lesbian, nothing like that would ever happen, especially not with Makoto. Ami studiously ignored the brief pang of disappointment she felt at that thought.

"Are you sure you're okay?" asked the librarian. "It's not like you to fall asleep like that."

Ami smiled in an attempt to relieve the older woman's concern. "I was up late last night studying and didn't get much sleep. That's all that's wrong with me."

The look of concern was replaced by one of stern disapproval. "Studying is all well and good, but you shouldn't neglect the basic needs of the body, Ami. Without sleep, that brilliant mind of yours will waste away to nothing. You're eating right aren't you? You look a bit pale."

Ami assured the librarian she was fine, then patiently endured a brief lecture on taking proper care of herself. She didn't pay much attention to what was said. Her thoughts strayed in various directions while her eyes took a brief tour of the library. Her gaze alighted on the rack where new books were displayed, taking note of one in particular. It had a large picture of white flower streaked with red and even from where she sat, Ami could make out the title written in large, black letters: "Flora of South America." Makoto would probably like to take a look at that book.

The librarian finished her lecture and Ami agreed that it would be good to go home and get some rest. A quick stop along the way couldn't hurt anything, though, she thought to herself as she checked out the book on flowers.

******

A soft rap on the door of her apartment caused Makoto to glance up from what she was doing. Setting down the bowl of carefully prepared ingredients she had been stirring, Makoto turned her gaze from the door to her oven. Looking through the clear glass front she noted that the cookies within were almost done. The knock at her door was repeated, a little louder this time, and Makoto sighed.

It was the timing of the thing. Normally she would have greeted her unknown guest by now, but the cookies in the oven prevented her from leaving at that moment. Through instinct honed by years of cooking, Makoto knew the exact moment when her cookies would be done. A little more or less time spent in the oven would, if not exactly ruin them, keep them from being as good as they could have been. Being something of a perfectionist when it came to her cooking, Makoto just couldn't have that.

The knock came again. There was a half-hearted air about it this time, as though the person knocking had given up any hope of someone being home, but had decided to give it one last try anyway. Even now Makoto could imagine the person on the other side of the door turning to depart, taking with them whatever had brought them here in the first place whether it be news, gifts or just simple company. That couldn't be allowed to happen anymore than she could allow her cookies to burn. After all, maybe it was a cute guy.

Throwing a last, frustrated glance in the direction of her oven, Makoto wiped flour coated hands on her apron and made her way to the door. Opening the door showed, to her eternal dismay, that there was no cute guy on the other side. In fact, there was no one there at all. Looking up and down the hall outside her apartment Makoto saw that, as she had envisioned, her visitor had decided that no one was home and was in the process of departing. 

The sound of the door opening and the delicious smells that wafted into the hallway stopped the visitor from going far though. Turning around, Ami smiled at the sight of Makoto's head poking out of the doorway like a turtle poking out of its shell. She was forced to suppress a laugh when she noted the flour that streaked her friend's cheeks and stained the tip of her nose. Her amusement at the sight must have been evident in her features though, because Makoto's eyes narrowed.

"What's so funny?" she demanded.

Ami waved her hand in a dismissive gesture. "Nothing. I was just thinking of a joke I heard the other day."

The flimsy explanation was not needed however, as Makoto seemed to have forgotten she had even asked a question. She was throwing furtive glances back into her apartment and for a brief instant it seemed as if she had forgotten all about Ami. Then she turned back to her friend and waved her forward.

"Come in, come in," she said hastily as she ducked back inside herself.

Ami followed her friend into her apartment, the smell of freshly baked cookies causing her mouth to water. She was not alone in this either, as a few other people were present in the hall as well. Makoto was very generous with the goodies she baked, sharing them freely with her friends and neighbors. Now, those neighbors present hoped fervently that they would not have to endure the tortures of only smelling these delicious delicacies. As the door closed behind the young woman with blue hair though, it was as if the door to heaven itself had been shut. 

Upon stepping into the apartment, the smells that had tantalized Ami outside now hit her full on. It was a wonder she didn't break down and drool on the spot. Quite familiar with her friend's cooking, Ami knew for a fact that Makoto made the best chocolate-chip cookies around. She watched in hungry fascination as Makoto pulled a tray full of golden-brown chocolate goodness from her oven. 

Seemingly lost in what she was doing, Makoto began removing the cookies from the tray, placing them on a wire rack to cool. She scrutinized each one, muttering to herself about being three seconds late while throwing semi-angry looks Ami's direction. Ami didn't notice though, her gaze locked firmly on the cookies, the whole reason she had come to visit her friend forgotten. 

Picking up one of her cookies, Makoto took a bite and chewed slowly, checking for flaws. She had no idea that this drawn out process of chewing and swallowing was working as a form of slow torture on her friend. Finally remembering that she had company, Makoto offered Ami a cookie. It disappeared so fast that she had to check twice to make sure this was indeed knowledgeable, well mannered Ami and not dizty, food-loving Usagi.

Licking her finger (something she only did when Makoto cooked and only when she thought no one was looking) Ami said, "No one makes cookies as delicious as yours, Mako-chan."

Makoto smiled. "I'm glad you like them. I made them for you, after all."

Ami blinked. "Me? What for?"

"Uh…" The brunette turned away, going back to her mixing bowl. She stared into the bowl, watching the swirls created in the dough by the wooden spoon she was using to stir with. Why was she doing all this cooking again? For Ami, or to get her mind off of Ami? The later, she conceded to herself, and now that Ami was here…

"Well, you know," she continued. "You were so nice to me the, uh, other night and I felt I owed you something."

A small hand settled on her shoulder and she stiffened slightly. "You don't owe me anything," said Ami. "I know you would do the same for me."

"Yeah, well…" Makoto trailed off, wishing that Ami would take her hand back so she didn't have to feel its warmth through the pale green blouse she was wearing. She held up the bowl for Ami to see. "I'm making brownies too."

Ami's hand left Makoto's shoulder so that it could dip a couple of fingers into the bowl of chocolate brownie mix. "Mmmm…" she intoned from around her chocolate laden fingers. "That's good, but you really don't have to do all this for me."

Makoto simply gave her friend a weak smile. "It's not a problem. I like to cook. Here, you have some chocolate on your face."

The brunette reached over and used her thumb to wipe away a stray bit of chocolate at the edge of Ami's mouth, her fingertips gently brushing against the smaller girl's cheek. This time it was Ami who stiffened, the dream she had had earlier rising up in front of her eyes as she felt Makoto's gentle touch. Electricity seemed to arc from those fingers. Hastily she stepped back out of Makoto's reach, her hand coming up to rest on her cheek.

The two girls stood in Makoto's kitchen staring at one another as an uncomfortable silence draped them like a smothering blanket. Unorganized, chaotic thoughts whirled through Ami's mind, spinning just out of reach when she tried to grasp them. There were things in that tornado of thought that she knew she had never considered, things that were not logical. The more she thought about it, the more she was unsure as to whether she actually wanted those thoughts to sort themselves out.

Makoto stood with her hand still raised from where she had been cleaning off Ami's mouth. Deep in the back of her mind a battle was raging. On one side were thoughts and feelings that never should have existed where someone like Ami was concerned. She didn't want to consider such things so she fought against them. Her weapon was the stubborn determination that had served her so well throughout what had been a tough, lonely life. Makoto simply refused to acknowledge the idea that she and Ami would ever be anything more than close friends.

"Sooo…" began Makoto, casting off the uncomfortable silence. "What brings you over today, Ami?"

"Wha…? Oh, uh…" Ami felt heat rising in her cheeks and quickly turned away, moving to where she had laid her book bag. "I, uh, saw a book in the library I thought you might enjoy and, um, I thought I'd bring it by."

Ami retrieved the book and handed it to Makoto. The brunette glanced at the cover and then started flipping through the pages; quickly losing herself in the description of some new flower that had been discovered. Ami took advantage of her friend's distraction and started working on her escape. It wasn't an escape though; she wasn't running from anything. No, she just had lots of homework to do. And she had promised the librarian that she would get some rest. It was truly best if she went home now. 

The blue haired girl grabbed up her book bag and eased towards the door. "I need to go, Mako-chan. Thanks for the cookies."

Makoto's eyes appeared over the top of the book just as Ami's hand came to rest on the doorknob. "Huh? Wait, I'll wrap up the cookies I made you so you can take them home."

Ami hesitated. "Um, no, that's okay, I really have to go. Lot's of homework, you know. Maybe I'll, uh, come get them tomorrow. Or the next day. I'll have to see. Thanks again." Then she was gone, slipping out the door before Makoto could say another word.

The brunette stared at the closed door, the book in her hands forgotten. A part of her was sad to see Ami go, longing for her to remain as long as possible, but another, larger part thought that this was for the best. Now she had time to sort through her thoughts and emotions.

Unwanted emotions swelled in her chest once again and once again she forced them back down. The idea of any sort of romantic relationship with Ami was preposterous. Even if she did feel that way towards Ami—which she didn't!—there was no chance that such feelings would ever be returned. And if Ami ever found out she had thought about her that way… Makoto did not want to lose her friends. She didn't want to be alone again.

She returned her attention to the book Ami had brought over for her, locking away those thoughts and emotions she didn't want anything to do with. This left an empty feeling deep in her gut, but she studiously ignored it.

******

Ami leaned against the door of Makoto's apartment, taking a moment to collect her thoughts. She could still feel where Makoto had touched her, like electric fingerprints on her skin. One hand strayed to her cheek, resting there as though she might be able to trap the feeling of Makoto's fingers against her bare skin forever just by holding her hand there.

Foolishness! 

She snatched her hand away and held it firmly at her side. It was an effort to keep it there though, and this annoyed her to no end. She wanted to touch the place where Makoto's fingers had been. No, she wanted to touch Makoto. Ami's face flamed and she hurried away from her friend's apartment before her hand decided to open the door and carry her body back inside.

Logic ruled Ami's life. Facts and numbers made the world go 'round, and studying those facts and numbers would inevitably bring a person to any number of truths. Once out on the street and away from Makoto, Ami took a deep breath and began sorting through the facts and numbers that made up her life. She sorted them, placed them into neat little rows and columns, analyzed them, analyzed the data she got from analyzing them, ran all the information through the computer that was her mind, and came to one simple, undeniable conclusion.

She felt more for Makoto than just friendship.

How had this happened? she asked herself. No matter how many times she looked over the facts and numbers, Ami couldn't come up with an answer to that question. She did, however, reach a second conclusion.

She really, really needed to talk to someone.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: I Am the Darkness, You Are My Light: Chapter 3

Author: Storm Bringer

Rating: R

E-mail: the_storm_bringer@hotmail.com

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in Sailor Moon and am therefore using them illegally. I'm a bad, bad man.

******

"Free!" exclaimed Usagi as she dashed out the front doors of the school and raised her arms to the pale blue sky. "It's over at last! I'm free!"

"It's only Monday, Usagi," said Ami in a pragmatic voice as she calmly exited the school along with Makoto, Minako, and several other students, all of whom gave Usagi a wide birth as they headed for home. The three girls gathered around the blonde. "You still have to come back tomorrow."

The rapture that had filled Usagi's face was chased away by Ami's simple statement. An anguished wail broke from her throat as she sank to her knees. No one except her friends paid Usagi's melodramatics much heed, having seen the blonde break down into a fit of tears for things as silly as being kept from lunch for longer than two minutes. The most attention she received was the occasional look of sympathy or the annoyed shake of a head.

"It's not fair!" she wailed. "My youth is passing me by while I rot in this stupid school!"

"Grow up!" snapped Makoto, frowning down at Usagi.

Ami and Minako regarded the brunette with surprise. She was rarely harsh with Usagi, even when the immature girl was at her worst. She always tried to spare all of her friends the sharp bite of her temper. Of course, there were those few times when even Rei stepped carefully around the brunette, afraid of triggering the release of a furious storm. Generally, Makoto's temper was only dangerous when something was really bothering her, though. 

"You don't have to be so harsh, Mako-chan," chided Minako. "You know how Usagi is about school."

Usagi started to wail about how mean her friends were to her, and Minako gave her a comforting pat on the back and said something that Ami didn't catch. She was too busy studying Makoto. 

The brunette's frown had softened a little, but there was still an angry set to her features. She had been in a pleasant mood that morning, but it had gradually deteriorated over the course of the day. Ami felt that she was somehow the one causing Makoto's temper to flare.

Twice that day she'd caught Makoto studying her with a small frown, and both times the brunette had hastily turned away when she realized Ami had spotted her. Did Makoto suspect that she had feelings for her? Was she angry? Ami hadn't been able to look at Makoto without feeling her friend's electric touch on her cheek, and she hadn't said more than two words to her all day for fear that something foolish would tumble from her lips. Even now, as she watched her friend, she felt a slight tingle on her cheek. 

Ami fervently hoped that Makoto wasn't angry with her because of the feelings she harbored. If Makoto didn't return her feelings than that was one thing, but to lose her as a friend… Ami wasn't sure she would be able to handle that. The thought of losing any of her friends was a horrible one. She cared for them all so much, and now more for Makoto than she ever would have imagined.

Suddenly she realized that she was staring at Makoto and the brunette was returning her gaze with an intense, studying look of her own. A cloud passed across the sun and the world darkened. Emerald and sapphire orbs met, locked, and seemed to flash in the sudden gloom, and the world around them ceased to exist. Ami saw Makoto more clearly than she ever had before. 

She saw the way the shadows played across her face, saw her bangs shift slightly at the insistence of a light breeze. She saw her lips, parted slightly to draw breath, moist and inviting. If Makoto's touch were enough to draw sparks, what would it be like to be kissed by those lips? She saw the inner fire that burned within Makoto's eyes, watched as it danced and twirled like some wild beast. There was pain in those eyes as well, a deep, soul twisting pain that even those mighty flames could not consume completely. There was something else there as well, something concealed by the fire and the pain, something Ami couldn't quite figure out. She knew if she watched long enough, paid enough attention, she'd discover what it was. She felt it was important that she knew. It was…it was…

"Ice cream!" 

Usagi's delighted squeal broke through Ami's reverie. Overhead the cloud passed and sunlight flooded her world once again.

A deep crimson stain suffused her face and she hurriedly turned away from Makoto and the others. Her heart was threatening to break right through her ribcage and she placed her hand over it as though to still its pounding. What had she been doing!? How could she have just stood there staring at Makoto like… like a lover!? She had even been imagining what it would be like to kiss her! 

What had Makoto seen in that moment? Too much, Ami was sure. She was afraid that all of her emotions had been painted clearly on her face, showing Makoto the depths of her feelings. If that were the case and Makoto had been angry with her before, than now she must be absolutely livid. 

Turning back around slowly, afraid that she might find an enraged Makoto standing there ready to scream at her and curse her to oblivion, Ami faced the brunette. At least, she would have faced Makoto if her friend hadn't been turned away from her watching something in the distance. She didn't appear to be angry, but Ami couldn't really tell from behind.

"Did you hear, Ami-chan?" asked Usagi suddenly as she latched excitedly onto Ami's arm, nearly pulling her over. "Minako said she'd buy me some ice cream!" 

Regaining her balance, Ami forced a quick smile onto her lips. "That's, um, nice of her."

Some of Usagi's exuberance faded. "Are you okay? Your face is all red."

"I'm fine, just a little hot. That's all. You know how stuffy the school can be." She laughed nervously and fanned herself with her hand.

Makoto still hadn't turned around. Was she so angry that she couldn't stand the sight of her anymore?

"Great!" exclaimed Usagi. "That means we can all go get ice cream together. It will help cool you down, Ami-chan."

"I can't go," said Makoto without turning around. Her voice had a decidedly neutral tone to it. "I have to…practice my karate this afternoon," she explained.

"Aaahhh," moaned Usagi. "That's boring. Can't you do that after ice cream?"

Makoto hesitated a moment before replying, "No. I need to go now. I'll see you tomorrow."

Ami watched as the brunette walked quickly away, like she was in a hurry to get somewhere. Or away from someone, Ami thought sadly. Makoto hadn't glanced at her once after she had caught her staring, and Ami had a sinking feeling that too much of what she felt had been painted on her face. She almost called after her, shouted for her to come back so she could apologize, or admit her feelings, or, or…something. Ami didn't know. She didn't call out, though. Fear held her back.

Usagi tugged on her arm. "C'mon, Ami, let's go get my ice cream!"

Reluctantly, the blue haired girl allowed her friend to drag her in the opposite direction Makoto had gone. Ami followed along with the blonde, but her footsteps dragged. She felt miserable.

There was a good chance that Makoto's ire had nothing at all to do with her, that she was just having a bad day. After all, Ami had yet to actually say anything about how she felt, or even hint at it. There was no reason for Makoto to be unhappy with her. Still she couldn't completely convince herself of that.

Ami was unable to enjoy her ice cream. It just didn't taste good to her. She took a few bites and then absently stirred the rest around in her dish while watching the people passing by outside. Her thoughts drifted aimlessly from school and a test she had tomorrow, to the fact that her mom would be home for dinner that evening, to what Usagi and Minako were talking about—boys, of course. She tried not to think about Makoto, but like a butterfly drawn to a colorful flower her thoughts settled on the brunette with annoying frequency. 

"Ami?" Usagi's concerned voice broke through the emerald haze that had fallen across Ami's mind.

She looked up and found both Usagi and Minako regarding her from across the table with worried eyes. "What's wrong?" she asked, wondering if maybe something important had been said while she was daydreaming.

"That's our line," replied Minako in a voice that was oddly serious for the usually bubbly girl. "We've been watching you for the last five minutes and all you've done is stare out the window looking worried and sad."

"Did you get a bad grade on a test?" asked Usagi. "Maybe a B or something? I wish I could get a B," she muttered.

"No, school's fine," she said, keeping as much of her feelings as she could out of her voice so she wouldn't give anything away. Her answer came out colder than she had intended and she smiled to soften it. "I'm fine."

"No you're not," said Minako, leaning across the table until her face was almost directly in front of Ami's. She tilted her head this way and that, peering into Ami's eyes and studying her features. Suddenly a wide smile spread across her face and she sat back down with an excited giggle. "I've got it!" she exclaimed. "Ami's got a crush on someone!"

Ami's eyes widened in surprise and heat blossomed in her cheeks. "No…no, that's not…" she stammered, unable to make a proper protest.

"Really?" Usagi stared across the table at her blushing friend. "Do you really think so, Minako?"

Nodding sagely, Minako said, "I'm positive. I've seen eyes like hers staring back at me from the mirror enough times to recognize what that distant gaze means. She's been acting strange all day too, absent minded like something or someone is taking up all her thoughts. It's just like how you are when you think about Mamoru."

Usagi was grinning broadly now. "Look at how red she is. It must be true."

"It's not!" shouted Ami a lot louder than she had meant to. The heads of several people sitting at other tables swiveled to look at her, causing her face to grow even redder. Closing her eyes she let out a soft groan and laid her forehead on the table.

"So who is it?" asked Minako, completely ignoring Ami's denial. "Is it someone at school? You have a class with Satoshi, don't you? He's cute and I've seen you look his way a couple of times. Is it him? Or maybe it's Takahiro."

Usagi was wearing a pensive, thoughtful expression that rarely found its way onto her face and never when school was concerned. "What about Yosuke? He's almost as good looking as my Mamo-chan. He doesn't really seem like your type though." Her fist smacked into her palm. "I know! It's Wataru!"

Minako and Usagi went back and forth like that, spewing forth the names of various boys they knew from school. Both of them pretty much ignored Ami, only looking at her now and then to see if they'd managed to illicit some type of reaction that would show them they had guessed correctly. Ami just sat across from them with her head resting on the table trying desperately to come up with some way to keep her two prying friends from finding out the truth.

If they found out they'd no doubt run and tell Makoto, and then it would all be over. Her secret would be out. Everyone would know. Makoto would hate her. She didn't know what she'd do if that happened, but she did know it would be the end of everything she held dear. A few tears trickled down her face, brought on by the stress of dealing with emotions she had little experience dealing with.

"Well, are you going to tell us who it is?" asked Usagi with excitement and impatience in her voice. "Ami?" she prompted when her friend didn't raise her head from the table. There was still no response from the blue-haired girl, and Usagi and Minako exchanged worried glances.

"Are you okay, Ami?" asked Minako, tentatively reaching a hand out across the table. 

Finally Ami lifted her head up off of the table and dried her eyes on her sleeve. "I'm okay," she replied in a weak voice.

Minako frowned. "No, no I don't think you are. What's wrong? Does the guy you like already have a girlfriend or something?"

Ami shook her head. "It's not that. It's nothing, really. I'm fine."

Usagi placed a hand over one of Ami's. "We're your friends, Ami. You can tell us what's bothering you."

Looking across the table at the concerned faces of Usagi and Minako, she knew that what Usagi had said was true. She could tell them anything and they would not judge her or belittle her. They would do anything they could to help her. It was how they were, kind, caring, and gentle. They were her friends.

She knew all of this and yet she still had to build up her courage before she could speak. Mentally, she chided herself for being foolish.

"I think…" she began, but had to take a deep breath before she could continue. "I think I'm in…love," that word was hard to say, "with M—" her courage floundered and failed, but she managed to salvage a bit of it. She couldn't say it all, though. Not yet. "I think I'm in love with another girl," she finally managed to say in one breathless rush. She felt as though her face was going to burn away from embarrassment. 

Fear built up inside of Ami as she watched her friends and waited for their reaction. At first she thought maybe they hadn't heard her since they continued to just look at her. The worry in their faces was gone now, replaced by what she thought was… curiosity?

Usagi was the first to speak. "You still haven't told us who it is," she stated in a voice that held a hint of reproach. "How are we supposed to get all excited about you falling for someone if you won't tell us her name?"

"Yeah," piped up Minako. "You gotta tell us who it is. Is it Mitsuko? She's pretty, and didn't you help her out with her math homework a little while back?" As before, Minako started to list the names of people from school she thought Ami might like, this time running through the girls instead of the boys. Usagi joined her and they once again threw names back and forth, trying to sort out who it was who had received Ami's affections.

Ami just sat there feeling stunned. They acted like she hadn't done anything more than give them a some little specific that would help them figure out who it was she liked. It wasn't quite the reaction she had expected. In fact, it wasn't really a reaction at all.

Finally, the two girls exhausted their list of possibilities and turned their interrogative gazes on Ami once again. 

"So, you gonna spill or what?" asked Minako.

"Tell us, tell us!" demanded Usagi excitedly.

"Ah…well…" Ami realized that having cleared one hurdle she now faced a much larger problem. The fact that she had feelings for another girl might not have elicited much of a reaction from them, but the revelation that it was Makoto surely would. She didn't want to deal with that right then. "I don't really want to say right now."

"That's not fair," pouted Usagi. "Telling us you like someone then not telling us who it is! That's like torture!"

"Can you at least tell us what she's like?" asked Minako. "It's rare when our little Ami falls for someone and we want to know everything we can about her."

Ami wasn't sure what she thought about that last comment, but she decided that answering Minako's question couldn't hurt anything. She thought about it for a moment, then said, "She's really strong and I think that sometimes she believes that she can use her strength to solve all of her problems. It makes her seem violent and mean to some, but she's really very gentle." She smiled, remembering the night Makoto had asked her to stay over. "She's fragile too, though she tries not to ever let other's see that she is. She's had a hard life." 

Ami sighed and her eyes became distant as she imagined how she could make all the hardships Makoto had suffered melt away just by holding her. She would hold her tight and whisper sweetly in her ear, telling her that everything would be okay. And everything _would_ be okay. For both of them.

"My, she does have it bad doesn't she?" Minako's voice cut through Ami's daydream. She snapped back to the real world and found both Minako and Usagi grinning at her. She blushed furiously.

"Yep," agreed Usagi. "She fell hard."

Ami realized with sudden clarity that her friends were right. She had known she had feelings for Makoto that stretched beyond friendship, but now she knew how deep they ran. Very deep, too deep, deep enough to drown her.

With a groan, Ami laid her head back down on the table. "What am I going to do?" she moaned.

"Ask her out?" offered Usagi helpfully.

Ami's head snapped back up. "I can't do that!" she exclaimed. "She's a…a…_she_! I can't just go ask her out."

Minako and Usagi exchanged confused looks. "Why not?" they asked in unison.

Couldn't they understand? Did she have to spell it out for them? "What happens if she doesn't feel the same way about me? What if she hates me for telling her how I feel? What if she thinks I'm implying that she's a lesbian and gets angry? What if she doesn't want to be my friend anymore?" The last came out as a whisper. It was such a horrible thought.

Why did things have to be so complicated? Why couldn't she have fallen in love with a nice boy? Why did she have to fall in love at all?

"Ami," began Usagi softly, "you love this girl, right?" Ami nodded slowly. "You've known her for a while now?" Again, Ami nodded. "And do you trust her?"

"Huh? Of course I do."

"Then why are you worried?" asked Minako. "It's true she may not return your feelings, but if you love and trust her than how can you believe that she would ever do anything to hurt you."

Would Makoto ever do anything to hurt her? No, never. Not intentionally, anyway. She was just like Minako and Usagi, kind and caring, just a little rougher and harder on the outside. In an instant she saw how foolish her fears were. They didn't vanish right away, but she felt much better all of a sudden.

A large smile split her face. "Thank you," she said, standing up. 

"Where are you going?" asked Minako.

"For a walk. Both of you have helped me a great deal, but I still have a lot to think about. Thank you again." 

Waving to her friends, Ami picked up her school bag and left the ice cream parlor. Minako and Usagi watched her go with wide smiles of their own. Then they went back to trying to figure out who Ami's mystery love was.

******

Makoto's fists slammed into the punching bag. They struck with the force of thunderclaps, hammering away as though the thing was a youma she was trying desperately to destroy. Sweat matted her hair and ran down her face in small rivers. She'd been at this for nearly an hour and she still couldn't beat the demon's that plagued her.

Those eyes were lodged deep in the back of her mind. Endless pools of blue; quiet and still like a mountain lake. They floated just over her shoulder watching her every move, mocking her efforts to dislodge them, taunting her with the knowledge of how foolish she was. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't silence them.

Exhaustion finally caused Makoto to halt her furious assault on the innocent punching bag. She was having difficulty raising her limbs high enough to strike the bag. Breathing heavily, she sank to the floor. 

"I don't think it's dead yet," commented an amused voice from behind her. "Maybe you should beat on it some more."

"Huh?" she mumbled, throwing a glance over her shoulder.

Haruka came to stand next to her, placing one hand on the punching bag. "I've been watching you beat on this thing for twenty minutes and some of the students here said you've been at it for the better part of an hour. From the look on your face while you were beating the crap out of the bag, one would think it had done you a personal wrong."

Makoto grunted and stood back up. Her legs felt rubbery and weak, but they supported her fine. She made her way over to where a towel and her water bottle were waiting for her next to a wall. The water wasn't cold, but it was refreshing and she felt stronger after taking a long drink. She sat down again, resting her head against the wall. Picking up the towel she wiped the sweat from her face and settled it around her shoulders.

Haruka followed her over and stood next to her leaning nonchalantly against the wall. Both girls came to this particular dojo to train and work out, although their different schedules generally prevented them from being there at the same time. Both were usually pleased when they got the chance to train together, but today Makoto didn't want any company.

Silence stretched between them.

"Do you want to talk about it?" asked Haruka after several minutes.

Makoto frowned. "Talk about what?" She continued to stare out across the dojo floor, watching a group of kids who were learning how to kick properly. One of them lost his balance and fell.

"Whatever's bothering you."

The brunette waved her hand in a dismissive gesture.id

"Nothing's bothering me," she said in a neutral voice. "I'm fine." The kid picked himself up off the ground and tried the kick again. It was a wobbly and inelegant kick, but he didn't fall this time. He seemed proud of his progress.

Haruka smiled slightly. "Is that why you were trying to kill the punching bag?"

Makoto didn't answer. She stopped watching the kids and turned her attention to the pair of sapphire eyes drifting through her head. There was no malice in their depths, no anger or animosity. They seemed…warm.

So why had Ami avoided her all day? Why had she seemed so cold and distant at school, hardly speaking to her at all? And why had it bothered her so much?

Was it something she had said? Or maybe it was something she had done that had unsettled her friend. When she had touched Ami's cheek yesterday it had felt…nice. That was the only word she could come up with the describe it and she didn't like it. Not one bit. She didn't like any of this. It made her uncomfortable.

She shook her head to try and clear it. "Why won't her eyes just leave me alone?" she muttered.

"What was that?" asked Haruka. "Something about eyes."

Makoto gave herself a mental slap. She had forgotten that her friend was standing next to her. "Nothin'," she replied, hoping that Haruka hadn't heard too much. "Just talking to myself."

"I noticed." Haruka pushed herself away from the wall and turned to face Makoto. "Maybe it's not yourself that you should be talking to, though." Turning away, she walked over and began her own assault on the bag Makoto had ceased tormenting a short time ago.

Makoto watched her for a short time, trying to figure out what her words had meant. She couldn't come to any conclusions though, and finally stood up and walked to the locker room. She showered, changed, and then headed back out into the world. She didn't really feel like going home, though. Instead she decided that it might be nice to take a walk.


End file.
